On May 2, I was presented the sad news that one of my assistant’s mother, a widow for many years, has passed away. B. is grief stricken, of course, but there are a few circumstances surrounding her mother’s death that are especially hard on her and her siblings.
On that day, B. took her mom to the doctor and, after nice lunch, B. tried to get her mom to stay a while, but Mom insisted on driving home immediately afterward because she had her garden to tend. Within a few miles of B.’s home, the mother had a single car accident and didn’t survive. As of this writing, B.’s family still do not know what happened to cause the accident.
Regardless of the reason, B.’s mother is gone, and the way that it happened was an unexpected shock. B. knew they would face losing their mom some day, but not now… not like THIS.
As my assistant, B. knew to have “The Conversation” with her mom to make sure that the family wouldn’t be left in a lurch after her mom’s death and would know where things were with regard to her estate and other business matters. But, unfortunately, B. and her siblings had very little to go on as they still are trying to deal with the Estate matters. They are certain from the short discussions they did have, that their mother had sufficient insurance, for example. But the question of where to find all the information so far has not been answered.
I know exactly why they were not able to have that discussion with their mom about her affairs. Not only has B. shared these reasons with me, but I hear them every week. From folks just like you. And my guess is that one or more of these reasons is why YOU have not taken the necessary steps for your children or for your parents.
Why B. and her siblings couldn’t bring themselves to talk to their mother about her estate and her business affairs:
1. If they did, because Mom was facing a health battle, it could confirm that she was dying, and it was not something they could face. (And for Mom, my guess is that she herself may have had an unconscious “superstition,” if you will, that to handle these things would mean an invitation to disaster. I hear this also frequently from would-be clients who say, “I know I should, but I have an unnatural feat that to do this… well, would mean that it’s going to happen soon.”)
2. If they did, they were afraid it would scare their mother and make her think they knew something about her condition that she didn’t. They couldn’t bear for her to have that unspoken fear or idea in the back of her mind when all they wanted was for her to muster all her faith and confidence to help fight her illness.
3. If they did, they were afraid it would appear as greedy behavior and being inordinately concerned about insurance, property, stocks and bonds, etc.
4. If they did, they would have to do it soon. They talked about it with each other several times and made promises that they would have the conversation with Mom …soon. Unfortunately, as almost always happens, they never found the “right” time or one that would have felt more appropriate to have that talk with their mom. And now… it’s too late.
5. If they did, it might be redundant and unnecessary. B. assumed on some level that Mom had shared all of this with her older sister. The older sister assumed that Mom had shared this information with B. knowing that B. works with me and is passionate about my mission of preventing these type plan failure. The older brother didn’t feel that it was any of their business, so he never considered that Mom should HAVE to share these things.
And the list goes on and on… all “valid” excuses but none worth the heartache that can be avoided so easily. Again, my guess is that one or more or all of these also apply to… YOU..
B.’s story is particularly sad to me because Karen and I care about her and don’t like knowing she and her family are having to deal with these unpleasant things when they should be able to take the proper time to grieve instead of struggling with trying to locate information and put together a picture of their mother’s final estate.
I share this story with you because I care about you and your family, too. If you think that’s not possible because I don’t know you, well: I know that any family who has to deal with the unnecessary and sometimes devastating loose ends in the event of tragedy is something I would not want for you … even if we’ve never met. There is a reason I chose this profession. I want to help.
Make an appointment with me today. Please. It costs you nothing if you will do it now. And it will give you the peace of mind that you know what to do for your kids AND for your parents.
Will you let me? Call us today or click here for a free Planning Session (normally $750.00)..
Just say you want to avoid B.’s situation. We’ll know exactly what you mean, and we’ll take you by the hand and walk you through it so that it’s as painless as possible. You’ll be glad you did. And if it inspires you to take matters into your own hands and further heartbreak avoided, then, you will never know what a good thing you have done. Let us help you take peace of mind for granted.